27.6.08

aNotHer vErsiOn of -- tHe liTTle meRmaiD.. 人鱼公主的另一个结局

found this really interesting piece by accident while i was surfing the net..
it's a totally different ending from Anderson's -- The Little Mermaid..
well.. here goes...

每一个看过人鱼公主这篇故事的人都知道,人鱼公主为了无望的爱情,化成了海上的蔷薇泡沫,而她爱的王子和另一个国家的公主从此过着幸福快乐的生活。
但其实并不是这样,那只是安徒生笔下的结局。   

今天,就让我来告诉你故事的真正结局。   
我是一个女巫,曾经住在大海深处的一个美丽宫殿里。   
那可真是一个美好的世界,到处是蓝得透明的海水和美丽的游鱼,海藻悠悠的飘着,象是少女柔软的发丝。   
我喜欢那个世界。   
我早就知道人鱼公主会在那个清晨化成蔷薇泡沫,所以我早早就等在海边。我要在她落下的地方设一个幻区,从此以后再无人可以踏入,而那片禁区,将是人鱼公主三百年后重生的地方。   
清晨的海风轻轻地拂过小人鱼单薄的身子,她站在船舷边的身子那样的纤弱,象一株将要在风中倒下的小草。她的眼神哀伤,但却没有半点的怨恨和嫉妒,她继承了她父亲善良温和的个性。  
看着她纯净如蓝宝石一样的眼睛,我的心又忍不住轻轻地痛了起来。曾经,也有一双这样柔和的眼睛看着我,是小人鱼的父亲海王。   
想到海王,我轻轻的叹息了一声。

我是一个海巫女的孩子,很小的时候母亲就死去了,她与老王后是朋友,所以将我托付给她照管。   
我与海王的关系亲密得让所有人嫉妒,他那样的疼爱我,给我所有他能给的快乐。我以为,在他的世界里,我是唯一的。   
可是有一天,他要娶一个有着人身鱼尾的新娘。他叹息着对我说,如果你也是人身鱼尾就好了。   
可是我是一个有双脚的女巫。   
我魔法无边,却无法让海王爱我。   
海王成婚的夜晚,我独自离开了王宫,从此流落在深海。   
只有在海水的包围里,感知他的存在,我的灵魂才能够安静。

十五年前,我再次遇到海王。   
他的眼神痛楚,擎着一把剑指着我的鼻尖。   
我看着他多年不变英俊温和的脸,心里泛起怨恨。但只是轻轻叹息一声说:“你杀了我吧。”   
海王没有杀我,他的手颤抖着,终于问我:“为什么你要到处害人?”   
我垂下眼皮,淡淡地说:“你忘了,我只是一个女巫,我生下来就是要害人的。”   
“可是你曾经不是这样的!”海王激动地喊起来,水流在他的四周流动着,我知道,他是真的发怒了。   
可是他不知道,离开他的日子我是如何过的。在一次次弱肉强食的斗争中,我不得不学会保护自己,而所谓的害人,谁又知道真相呢?但我不想解释。  

离开王宫将近二十年之后,我又重新回来。   
坐在旧时的房间里,我的心无比平静。   
三天之后,王后生下了一个女儿,难产而死。所有的人都怒视着我,包括我最敬爱的老王后,他们以为王后的死与我这个害人女巫的到来脱不了干系。   
那个小小的女婴大哭着,她有着与父亲一般的蓝色眸子和细如白瓷的肌肤,但她却注定有着与一般人鱼不同的经历。   
我再次离开王宫。   
海王来送我,他要我照顾他最小的女儿。   
他的眼神温柔,平静如水,将自己的女儿托付给一个有着恶毒心肠的女巫。   

我不得不承认,他是一个智慧的君主。   
我可以害人,也可以救人,小人鱼注定会爱上一个人类,并失去生命,除了我,也许没人能救她。   
我不能拒绝海王的请求,他是我怨恨的人,也是我爱的人。   
小人鱼化成蔷薇泡沫的早晨,一个女巫静静地将那一片海锁住。从此以后,没有灵魂和真爱的生灵,将不能穿越。   
我将小人鱼的心封在一个透明的水晶球里,放在有阳光穿透的深海,她将在三百年以后重生。   
女巫又一次做坏事的时候,海上泛起滔天的巨浪,那个用来举行婚礼的花船颠簸在海面上,慢慢支离破碎。

那个人鱼深爱的王子,他被我带到深海。
我用魔法将他变成了一条鲸鱼。   
鲸鱼王子愤怒地在我周围游来游去,但却无法接近我,巨大的愤怒几乎要将它撕裂。   
我给他看躺在水晶球里小人鱼的幻影,他顿时慌乱起来,嘴里叫着,却发出鲸鱼特有的声音。他即刻就忘了他新娶的王后,他根本不曾爱过她,那只是一桩政治婚姻。   
他在为一个心中的小哑女担心。他曾经说他不爱她,可在她再没有生命的时候,他的慌乱出乎所有人的意料。   

我取出一面蓝如海水的镜子,告诉鲸鱼王子,只要他愿意让自己的鲜血染红这面镜子,他就可以知道自己想知道的。   
镜面闪过一幅幅的画面,一切已经过去的故事又重新演绎。   
当小人鱼化为蔷薇泡沫时,鲸鱼王子的眼泪哗哗地流着,求我救她。   
他终于说,他不是不爱她,因为他不能给她名份,所以他宁愿她伤心地远走,也不愿意看到她日复一日地憔悴,却想不到会给小人鱼带来这样的灾难。   
他的陈述那样的催人泪下,我却只是冷冷地听着。男人的承诺,大部分都是谎言,关于爱情的承诺,更是谎言中的精华。他们可以为了功名利禄放弃自己所爱的人,再冠上冠冕堂皇的名义。   
他对小人鱼做的,一如海王曾经对我做的。只不过,我没有象小人鱼一样化为蔷薇泡沫,但在走出王宫的那一刻,我的心碎得再也无法缝补。   

我将那面蓝如海水的镜子留给了鲸鱼王子。   
如果想救小人鱼,鲸鱼王子必须将镜子放在心脏里,用心血来滋润这面镜子。三百年之后,小人鱼就可以利用这面镜子重生。   
鲸鱼王子毫不犹豫地答应了我,我将镜子放入了他的心脏。   
从此以后,鲸鱼王子每呼吸一下,就必须忍受着心痛的折磨。但他心甘情愿着,一如小人鱼曾经愿意在刀尖上跳舞一样。   
鲸鱼王子总是对我说起他的悔恨,不该为了政治和名利牺牲了所有的人,当他每呼吸一口都心痛. 难当的时候,他终于可以理解小人鱼曾经的心情。   
我淡淡地听着他的自言自语制我的魔法药水。   
人总是在失去一样东西的时候才知道珍贵,这句话真是至理名言。   

再有一个月,就是小人鱼可以复生的日子,我静静地站在水晶球前看她。她安安静静地闭着眼睛,睫毛轻轻地翘着,象一把小扇子覆在眼上。   
谁能想到,这副柔弱的躯体下面有着最坚强的意志?但她醒来之后,她是否还是原来的小人鱼?
如果她发现她深爱的王子已经失去踪影,她会如何?   
我想起海王。   
我没有再见过他,只听说他没有再娶,一个人守着孤单过日子。我不知道他有没有在一个人的时候想过我,我也不想知道,我怕那个答案是我不想知道的。   
此际,只有他沉睡的女儿陪着我。他的幸与不幸,仿佛都离我很远,曾经的欢笑,只有通过魔法再回头看,而我已厌倦。   
内心的深处,我没有一刻不怨他,所以我不能理解小人鱼对王子的宽容,她太善良,而善良的人得不到好下场,所以她会化成泡沫,需要我这个邪恶的女巫来救她。   

小人鱼睁开眼睛的时候,鲸鱼又欣喜地流下泪来。   
他看到小人鱼温柔地向他走过来,轻轻地摸摸他的头,他叫她的名字,却忽然发觉自己发出的声音小人鱼无法听懂。他现在是一条鲸鱼。   
在她沉睡的时候,他无暇打量自己,现在,在小人鱼清澈蔚蓝的眼睛里,他看到自己庞大笨重的身躯和呆滞的双眼。他尖叫着冲出了宫殿,疯狂地海里吞吃各种鱼虾。他与她现在是不一样的人!仿佛是多年前的情景重又演出,只是角色对换。   
可那时,小人鱼可以经由巫婆的帮助获得双腿,谁来帮助他从鲸鱼变成人?   
鲸鱼王子来找我的时候,满眼的沮丧和无助,但还有一丝希望的灯火在眼里闪烁,他走的时候,却连这一丝希望都熄灭了。   
我可以用魔法加入小人鱼身上的纯净血液将他变成人类,但他变成人类之后,将永远无法再进入大海,当然,也永远不能再见到小人鱼。
鲸鱼王子沉默了,他静静的离去,再没向我提过要变回人身的事情。小人鱼已经变成他世界里的唯一。   
小人鱼总是骑在鲸鱼的背上在海底遨游,她交了许多朋友,他们都很喜欢她。每当她想起那个已经娶妻的王子,总是心痛莫名。但再生的喜悦冲淡了这种忧伤,她死过一次,她不想再死一次。

小人鱼又一次在海底游历时,遇到邻近一个海域的王子,他们一见如故,很快就如胶似漆。那个王子英俊温和,有着和小人鱼一样的人头鱼身,他们是同类。小人鱼慢慢地将对王子的思念转到了这个人鱼王子身上。   
看吧,爱情,多么易变的东西。如果你反悔,我依然可以帮助你回归陆地。我这样冷冷地对忧郁的鲸鱼王子说,可他不为所动,他一如既往地守在小人鱼的身边。他带着她去看她喜欢的那个王子,他看着他们头挨头亲密地说笑,他看着她为了他的不快乐而忧郁。   
虽然镜子已经从他的心里取出,但每呼吸一次,鲸鱼王子依然感到窒息般的痛楚。那种痛楚,已经变成一种习惯,那痛楚让他知道,他还在爱着小人鱼,可是小人鱼不知道。   

人鱼公主慢慢变成一个纯粹的美人鱼,她已经习惯深海的安宁,她再也没有浮上海面,她已经忘记那个她为之付出生命的王子。   
小人鱼终于要结婚了。   
婚礼在人鱼王子的宫殿举行,据说有琉璃般的彩灯,用珊瑚做成的花朵,用水晶砌成的台阶,小人鱼的头戴了花冠,上面镶了璀璨的明珠。可是鲸鱼王子的心却在滴血,他看着自己爱的人嫁了人,他无法说话,无法阻止。   

婚礼的夜晚,我也到场祝贺。   
鲸鱼王子却只是呆愣地看着娇美的新娘,眼里怔怔地流下泪来。   
我用瓶子收集了他的眼泪。我的药水,最需要的就是纯净的泪水,可这个世界的人越来越坚强,根本就不会流泪。作为回报,我告诉他,只要他现在改变主意,我还可以劈开他的身体帮他恢复人身,但如果在小人鱼成婚之后,我无法再取到她纯净的血,他将永远不能再变成人类。  
鲸鱼王子轻轻摇了摇头,掉头而去。   

他在深海里游着,游向小人鱼曾经化成蔷薇泡沫的地方。   
那片海明明被魔法封锁着,但他却轻而易举的游了进去。海面上依然有着泡沫,鲸鱼王子浮在水面上,看着远处教堂的尖塔,又流下泪来。   
三百年前,小人鱼在这里失去生命,化成海面的蔷薇泡沫,这些美丽的泡沫,还有哪一朵是三百年前的?她们有没有见证过小人鱼哀伤的泪水?   
鲸鱼轻轻地闭上了眼睛,向岸上游去,快到岸时,他猛地一用力,飞上了陆地。   
不久以后,人们发现了海岸边有一只鲸鱼,大声地叫嚷着,给他身上浇水,想把他往水里推,可是鲸鱼已经失去呼吸。   

没有人知道,此时的海水下,有一个女巫静静地注视着这一切,慢慢的流下泪来。   
鲸鱼不知道,其实他看到的一切都是幻象,都是我下在他心里那面魔镜上的咒语,真正的小人鱼,现在还沉睡在水晶球里。   
大家更不知道,这只是女巫的一个考验。   
我能保留的,仅仅是人鱼公主的心。只有一个有生命的人爱她,愿意为她去死,她才能获得再生的灵魂。   

鲸鱼王子从此可以脱离鲸鱼的身份,以人的灵魂升入天堂,而在那里的门口,天使会带着小人鱼的灵魂在那里等。他们将永远幸福的相守。   
我的耳边又响起许多年前对海王承诺过的话,我答应你,我将照顾小公主,让她得到幸福。   
女巫的诺言总是那样沉重。为了这个承诺,耗尽我半世的心血。   

可这些后来的事,安徒生没有记载,也就没有人关心,他们都以为,王子和公主从此过着快乐的生活,而小人鱼将为自己塑一个不朽的灵魂...




great ending~ really different.. enjoyed this version of it..







25.6.08

戒指戴在不同手指的涵义

不知怎么,一直都非常喜欢戒指。。
任何款式、材料的戒指,我都忍不住想多看几眼。。
也常努力的控制自己,阻止自己疯狂购买自己喜欢的戒指。。
最近发现了一篇很有趣的文章:

戒指戴在不同手指的涵义

▓大拇指:
据古罗马文献记载,将戒指戴在此指可助你达成心愿,迈向成功之路。

▓ 食指:
指示方向的手指,把戒指戴在此指个性会变得开朗而独立,最适合从事自由业的人戴。

▓ 中指:
次於无名指最适合戴婚戒的手指,戒指戴在其上最能营造自由爽朗的气氛,能让你灵感涌现,变得更有魅力、有异性缘。

▓ 无名指:
从古罗马时代以来习惯将婚戒戴在其上,相传此指与心脏相连,最适合发表神圣的誓言。而无名指上有重要穴道,戒指戴其上可以适度按压肌肉,有安定情绪之效。

▓ 小指:
小指传达的是一种媚惑性感的讯息,戒指戴在其上将会有意想不到的事发生,特别推荐给直觉敏锐、从事流行时尚相关工作者。



嘿嘿~ 我自己是习惯把戒指戴在食指、中指及无名指上的!


24.6.08

deSpeRatiOn...

feels like everything's against me these days..
1st i got a course that i've never even heard before for my university applications..
to make things worst.. the uni i got is UNIMAS.. that's in Sarawak..
then i heard something that really hurt my feelings..
now my search of hostel isn't getting anywhere..

desperate now.. apparently the rooms that were available are no longer available anymore..
been calling every rooms to let on the private accomodations list that IMU gave me..
then there was this girl who answered the phone..
she offered me a master room sharing with another girl.. for RM400 per month..
holy shit!! the market price for a master room per month is RM400.. they think i'm nuts or what? even i'm not that desperate enough to pay double the price for a room..

but it still doesn't solve my problem..
i still need a room.. and needing it desperately..
really hope that tomorrow brings good news..

厌倦

真的厌倦了,
厌倦了友谊的廉价。。
厌倦了总是被人利用。。
厌倦了被人当傻瓜般耍。。
厌倦了看别人脸色的日子。。
厌倦了表里不一、虚伪的笑容。。
厌倦了用心付出换来永远得不到肯定残酷的事实。。

曾经看过张小娴一篇短文,文章的题目是:[朋友比不上敌人]。以下是当中的部分文字。。
“原谅敌人往往比原谅朋友容易。我们从来没有对敌人付出感情,但是对朋友,我们也许付出了最真挚的感情。付出了,就希望得到回报。原谅敌人,那是风度和器量的表现。我们可以原谅一个敌人,就是自觉在他之上,有权利赦免他,甚至可怜他、原谅他,就是不跟他一般见识。但我们对朋友却是小器的,原谅他,就是纵容他,就是自认是傻瓜。他知道太多关于我的事了,我对他的要求是不同的,他对我也应该别于他人,所以朋友对我们不好,是很难原谅的。所以当你无法原谅朋友,不要自责,这是人性。”

如果对我有什么不满、不爽,就大大声的说出来嘛!
何必躲躲藏藏,什么事都可以当面说清楚。
别让我再认认真真的当你是朋友后,才发现你其实根本没当过我是朋友。
真的以为我是个白痴吗?讨厌这种假惺惺的人!觉得我有什么缺点,对我有什么误会,不告诉我,就是早已判我死刑,根本连个解释辩驳或改过自新的机会都不给我。

为什么??在我努力告诉自己别在意之后,还是存在着这种无奈的落寞感。
或许,我该自我检讨,我的择友原则。也该收敛自己对人的那份单纯友谊。
是我愚蠢,经过了那么多例子,还没学着聪明点。
是我的问题,我会努力的改,改变我表达自我的方式。
没错,我不是个会跟人正面冲突的人,何必呢?难道一定要撕破脸皮、反目成仇吗?这点你有什么不满吗?
心机很重?我有对你做过什么吗?我背叛过你吗?我在你背后陷害过你了吗?
为什么?我是那么认真地把你当朋友,却又让我后知后觉,你对我的了解竟然是:心机很重!!
人,在你眼中,难道做什么事都一定有什么目的吗?你是那么的看待友谊吗?
是的,你可以有自己的想法。对你,我没办法操控你对我的看法。但是,知道了这件事后真的让我彻底的感到失望。那么久了,你还不了解我的为人吗?如果我真得让你这么认为,我没办法,只能说声抱歉。。

放心,我不会对你怎样,也不会当面跟你对质。就因为,对你我还是把你当成我的朋友,你在我眼中,也不是个这样的人,就因为当你是朋友,所以我会给于你the benefit of the doubt。
希望总有一天,我们之间的误会能够瓦解。。朋友。。


22.6.08

HosTeL hUnTinG...

since IPTA is no longer and option..

time to go for PLAN B... my backup plan... (those who don't know.. check few posts earlier)
ok.. so tired after i came back from STADIUM PERAK yesterday night..
but forced myself to wake up, in order to go hostel hunting near IMU..

at 7+am.. i woke up to the annoying blarring of my alarm clock.. zzzz...
anyway, went with a friend of my father's, who was also sendng his daughter to IMU..
might be a future housemate of mine.. cool!
having knowing her brother, she's kinda friendly, nice personality, plus.. she be a great housemate to be with, especially if i wanna really REALLY study hard..

got my 1st view of my school--International Medical University, finally..
first impression, seems nice.. liked the structure of it.. really overwelming, to realize that, this is gonna be the place that i'll spend most of my next 4 years..
okay.. then my eyes set upon my target.. Vista Komanwel Condominiums!!
located right across the road.. when i say right across the road.. i really mean it..
the VK blocks are really just like a few steps away..
can see that it's not a brand new building.. of course lar.. it was build to be the hostel of participants of the Commonwealth Games in 1998.. what do u expect?
but it's well maintained.. it's visible..
as our car approached its gates.. there's this guard house there.. with guards sitting there..
they asked why we were there.. took down our ICs and stuff.. and i was like... okay.. great security measures... not bad..

my future housemate's a Pharmacy student.. year 3..
so, she knows the area real well.. but she's been planning on moving.. for certain reasons..
as she and her daddy took her stuff upstairs to her current hostel..
me and my daddy started calling... from the list of available accomodations provided by IMU...
to my disappointment... most of it has been fully booked..
which... my friend has warned me beforehand...
shit...after a few unsuccessful tries.. i gave up..
then, my future housemate got a phone call from her friend..
that there's a house with 2 rooms available!!
and.. it'll be available at about early july!!! perfect...
my spirits rose... then... the person said that, we can only see the house tomorrow..
(-_-)lll

finally, we had to leave... since we really couldn't do anything else..
every single room had been booked..
so all my hope is on my future housemate now..
she go and have a look at the rooms available tomorrow and decide...
i hope there'll be good news tomorrow..

then i had a really nice look around..
there's a MRT station nearby..
a golf course.. the famous Bukit Jalil Stadium..
some kind of mini park...
condomium blocks...
my school...
then.. nothing else..
oh no! not even a chinese food stall or mamak stall in sight..
even the nearest Carrefour is like... 30-40mins walk away..
no wonder my future housemate warned me that... IMU is really at the middle of no where..
i mean.. phew.. for the next 4 years.. my entertainment would be solely from my laptop..
how will i survive?? ok... i guess i'll survive.. eventually.. by keeping myself busy.. studying..
no more shopping or watching movies or yamcha-ing..
guess.. i'll just have to make up my mind to focus 100% on my studies...
hmm.... not a bad idea.. not at all....



* gambatte!! study hard.. tomorrow's a new day.. may there be good news from my future housemate...



International Medical University


Vista Komanwel Block C


Vista Komanwel Block B

18.6.08

bAd nEws..

hmm... no good news after all..
here's the outcome:

^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^
NO. KAD PENGENALAN / MYKAD: 880107085226
NAMA: TAN SING EAN
KATEGORI:S - Kategori STPM 2007 Aliran Sains
ANGKA GILIRAN: SA1051061

TAHNIAH ! Anda telah berjaya ditawarkan program seperti di bawah :
KOD PROGRAM : WC11
NAMA PROGRAM : SAINS KOMPUTER (PENGKOMPUTERAN RANGKAIAN)
IPTA : UNIVERSITI MALAYSIA SARAWAK (UNIMAS)

^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^

great.. just great..
i don't even know what the so-called "PENGKOMPUTERAN RANGKAIAN" is..
let alone applied for it..
for goodness sake.. i didn't even applied for the course..
that's just so typically Malaysian style..
i should've seen it coming..

so i guess.. since local universities are no longer in my options, i'll just go to IMU, as i've planned earlier..
IMU - Nutrition & Dietetics..
well.. the good thing about it is: i actually get to do both courses, instead of only getting either one (as in local uni)
the downside of this option is.. what else.. it's really costly.. RM 14k per sememester... with a grand total of RM110K for the complete course fees...
that's not even including my living arrangements, meals, and etc. costs..
now.. my whole mind is filled with thoughts about how to finance my education next..
getting IPTA would have solved a lot of problems.. but now.. i'd have to rethink everything...
maybe i'll get a study loan.. either PTPTN or from one of the banks..
checked the PTPTN details... i'll be able to get a loan of RM10k per sem..
means.. i still need to think about the balance RM4k..
and i'll be in debt for the next 20 years after i start work or graduate..
i guess i'd have to work part time while i study to cover for the extra living cost..
i mean.. at least i don't wanna ask my parents for money for my shopping or other activities..
cracking my head now..

what is it with the IPTA applications huh?
twice i applied...
the 1st time after SPM.. i got COMPUTER SCIENCE.. UTM..
then now i got COMPUTER NETWORKING.. UNIMAS..
there must be some kinda thing going on huh?
twice i got courses to do with computering..
hmm.. maybe my destiny is to study computering ?

i don't know.. and i really don't care anymore..
time to focus... more things to decide now..
have to find a hostel...
go have a look at IMU..
plan things..
pack things..
prepare myself...



* it's your lost that u didn't give me the course of my choice.. i assure u...

17.6.08

i'M a nErvOus wRecK!!!

the clocks are ticking and the minits are slipping away..
in less than 1 hour and i'll finally know the results of my uni applications..
nothing can describe how i feel now..
i mean, i'm really excited.. to finally get the results..
but then, i'm also worried that i don't get the course of my choice..
my uni choices are:

1. DIETETICS - UKM
2. DIETETICS - USM
3. NUTRITION WITH HONOURS -UKM
4. NUTRITION - USM
5. PHYSIOTHERAPY - UKM
6. OPTOMETRY - UKM
7. FOOD SCIENCE AND NUTRITION - UKM
8. BIOTECHNOLOGY - USM

of all that, i really hope to get Nutrition & Dietetics.. UKM or USM alike..
whichever i got, i'd surely go without doubt..
but knowing our government's system.. i' m seriously worried of the outcome..
what if i didn't get the course of my choice?
where can i go? what can i do?
it really matters a lot to me.. i mean, my whole future depends on this..
oh God.. please just let me get the course of my dreams..
i promise to work hard and never let my parents down ever again..
please.. please.. please..

but then, i'd have to leave my parents, my brothers, my home behind..
i'll really miss everything, everyone back here in sitiawan..
especially my family, i can never imagine being away from them for such a long time..
the thought of being so far away from them really make me feel insecure and scared..
but then, i'd have to stay tough and happy though..
i'll never make them worry about me..
i'm a big girl now.. i will not burden them with more problems..
i'll miss them..

plus.. the tension is really growing by the second, as the perak state marching band competition draws nearer and nearer..
i've never been that worried before.. it'll be a great challenge to them..
to all my juniors in NH Marching Band..
u've all worked hard, and well...
the performance this morning was really great..
this friday.. just enjoy the precious 10 mins in the field..
u guys really deserved it..
feel the will, the desire to perform your best..
listen to the supporters shouting out your name.. cheering u guys on..
march in pride and enjoy the glory u deserve..
i wish u all well..
NH Marching Band will march steadily on..
i believe in u guys..

university applications, band competition plus a lot of others stuff..
really stretching me to my extend..
close to nervous breakdown at the moment..
hoping for all the best..
may there be good news..

nervous~ nervous~ nervous~

15.6.08

一句话

人,打从出生以来,就有着会说话的天赋。任何人,牙牙学语的小宝宝、幼儿园里玩乐的小孩、课堂上发问的同学、卖东西的小贩、大企业的总裁。。除了先天性或后天造成的言语障碍者,都有着说话的本能。。

一言一语,一字一句,无时无刻地从我们的口中表达出来。它让人类有着沟通的本能。
一句话,能安慰身边失意的朋友,也能与朋友分享心中的喜乐。。
一句话,能表达个人对事情的看法、意见,也能表达个人的不满、愤怒。。
一句话,能化解误会,同时也能造成误会。。
一句话,能使一个人悬崖勒马,但也可能让一个人误入歧途。。
一句话,能解决问题,也能制造问题。。

一个人,一天里面,共说出大约3000句话,也等于大约50000个字。学高级数学时,我们领悟到 “the greater the number, the greater the probability”。一天内,我们说出了那么多,说错话的机率也随之而提高。很多时候,我们往往忽略了,一句话对一个人的影响。近来,我因此事得到了教训。

说真的,我向来都不太讨人喜欢,这都该怪自己,性格 + 脾气都不太好。而且,还常在不知不觉中得罪了人,或祸从口出了还不知道。但,我却又是很在意他人对自己的看法的人。常常,因为他人的批评或不接受而独自懊恼、伤心、情绪低落。后来,渐渐学会了接受原来的自己,不再让他人主宰自己的心情,自我、快乐的过着自己喜欢的生活,做自己喜欢的事。不再努力的尝试让别人接受自己,勉强自己讨好别人。

但,我始终还是没学会,该怎么注意自己的言语。快言快语的我,常一脱口的就说出伤人或得罪人的话。虽然,我的本意并不如此,或许我当下只是在开玩笑,但我始终从没注意到“说者无心,听者有意”这个道理。最近,发生了一些事,让我深受打击,也深深体会,祸从口出的感觉。一句无心的玩笑,竟然让自己成了别人误会的对象,让那个人深深的受伤了。仔细想想,这一切都是我自己的错,都怪自己口无遮掩,出言伤人了还蒙在鼓里,最糟糕的是还后知后觉!才让那个人对自己产生了极大的厌恶及憎恨感,说真的他误会我也是我自己罪有应得。如果你无意间看见了这篇文章,我想说:“说出了那句伤人的话,是我的错。很抱歉,没有顾及你的感受,还把它当玩笑。虽然现在已经无补于事,但是我真的很抱歉,我真的不该说出那句话的。”

经过我近日的反思,我想我真的该多注意自己的言语了,亏我还曾给于某个人意见,建议他该有点说话技巧。说起来,我根本没资格说出这番话,自己本身都已经自身难保了,还说什么给人意见?我很惭愧,曾因为自己无心的言语所可能伤害到的人。不单只是这次的事件,直到今天,活了20年,我对那些曾被我用言语伤害到的人感到抱歉。也感谢这次事件中的受害者,感谢他让我看见了我的错误,让我有改过的机会。未来的日子里,我想,不!我要谨言慎行,我不想再伤害到身边任何一个我在乎及在乎我的人。接着下来的日子,希望自己再也不要说出任何伤人的话语。。


* 在此,向那些曾被我无心的言语所伤害的人道歉。抱歉,曾经造成对你们的伤害。。。




11.6.08

NH Marching Band.. U gUys aRe gOnnA dO iT~~

remember earlier this year.. when u guys started training for marching band?
remember the times u guys had to practice under the hot, scorching sun?
remember the time u guys finished the 1st movement - Ride formation?
remember the countless section practices that u've had together?
remember the times when u really feel like giving up.. but never really did?
remember how u guys finished the 3rd movement - Tanah Pusaka formation in only 3 days?
remember the Thai coaches? the things they've taught u?
remember what u've been through? the laughter and the tears that come with it?
remember the 1st full dress rehersal?
remember the performance in front of the whole morning session?

being part of all this.. will leave u memories that'll last u a lifetime.. i know i did..
after all these things that u've been through together as a team..
there's nothing that can stop u guys now..
see the improvement in yourselves..
see the teamwork spirit.. the bond that u have between you..
never let your indifferences ever stand in between you guys..
together u 'll stand against all obstacles that might ever come in your way..
u'll have your chance.. u've worked hard.. u've done your best..
u guys are gonna RAWK the stadium.. this 20th june..
let's show everyone.. show them your best performance..
let everyone know... what NAN HWA MARCHING BAND is made of..

u guys are gonna do it~~~ do it your way!!

10.6.08

i'm sorry...

i wish i could undo some of the things i've done..
words that i've said..
thank you for telling me what i did wrong..
to know that and admit it wasn't easy..
believe me.. i wish i could take back those words..
i didn't mean to hurt you..
but in any case that i did.. i really regret it..
if i had another chance..
i'd never let take misunderstanding stay for so long..
i'm sorry for not being a better person..
i'm sorry to have said those hurting words..
i'm sorry for not saying that "i'm sorry" earlier....

2.6.08

hMmm.... noW wHat....?

i'm kinda being in a *lazy+blurry* mode..
stayed up till 3 or 4 am this morning finishing my sales report for F. Y. Sales..
i was actually planning to go watch their band practice this morning.. but guess what.. when i opened my eyes.. it was already 9.15am.. SHIT!! i promised PheiSzee that i'll be there by 7.30am.. zzzzz... sorry ya.. i'll try to be on time next time..

anyway.. couldn't make it to their practice this morning.. so i stayed at home.. doing practically nothing but staring at the wall.. i guess i'm catching an illness call-- "too-free-nothing-to-do syndrome.." gotta really find myself something to focus on.. something to fill up my extra free time..
then my phone rang... it was my salesman.. my company wanted my EPF. no... something that i definitely don't have! very good then.. i went to the KWSP branch in Manjung.. which actually a block away from Billion.. what a coincidence.. got myself a KWSP membership and went to Billion to pass my report+punch card to Ah Mei Jiejie.. she'll help me pass it to the driver... probably on wednesday..
went around Billion to find some friends.. chat around.. walk around.. look around.. which makes me feel that i'm wasting my time doing nothing beneficial or meaningful.. again..

okay.. then i went to see their band practice at 6.00pm..
finally... something that actually means a lot to me.. the 1st thing i saw was Ah Boon.. teaching in the middle of the marching field.. hey.. u actually start to have a "marching band coach" feel, u know..
enough.. enough of the crap.. the band looks better... as they say, "practice makes perfect" that's just proved it.. but i have to add.. "practicing the *CORRECT* way.. makes it even more effective" the formation now looks more in shape... and the whole feel and impact is more focused now..
really glad and happy to see their improvement.. i had been a bit worried about them earlier.. with this enthusiasm and spirit.. i'm begining to see our shadows in them.. they're really trying their best.. and i think they're really doing fine..

but then.. there's still some negative vibes that i've sensed between the members.. misunderstandings.. jealousy.. mistrust.. rivalry.. i do hope that they can straighten things out soon.. u guys must remember... all of u have the same goal.. same dream.. focus on it.. and don't let your indifferences tear you all apart.. as a team.. u guys shine~! never let simple things dim the teamwork spirit that lies in you.. it is common for people to have different opinions, different ways of handling things.. not everyone is perfect.. we must learn to accept others' opinion and to work together.. never be too self-centered or do anything that'll sabotage the team's teamwork spirit.. someday.. u'll know.. that being in the same team... is really an experience that's hard to get.. among the 6,641,114,625 people on earth.. you were lucky enough to get to know each other and be in the same team.. cherish this chance and make the best of it.. u'll never regret it when u remember the memories that u've once had together...